I turned off the water, grabbed a towel and opened the shower curtain. I was startled by the oldest boy who was quietly sitting on the toilet, and he got a kick out of my surprised squeal. Apparently he had been sitting there a while and I did not realize it. This is just one of the benefits of being Mom; you are never alone. While stepping out of the shower I teased the boy that he scared me and I didn’t know he was there. Why can’t they be this quiet when I want them to be?
I am drying off as I step out of the shower and he hits me with it. “Why do you have a tattoo on your butt Mommy?” In an attempt to stall the answer, I remind Mr. Observant that I have another one…right there. Like many other times I am caught off guard by a question by one of the boys, I simply fly by the seat of my pants. “Why do you ask buddy, do you not like Mommy’s tattoo?”.
This is one of those many times one of the boys teaches me something. They are constantly making me stop and reflect on myself and my beliefs, making me a better person. My little man, wise beyond his years, looks at me and says “Mommy, it doesn’t matter if I like it. It only matters if you like it.”.
All I could do was smile with pride. Where does this kid get it? I know he does not get it from me, and Daddy is less open minded than I am. Little Man then proceeds to tell me about a picture he drew at school that one of his classmates did not like, and evidently was not shy about sharing her opinion. The incident with the picture at school had made an impact on Little Man. He told me he liked the picture and did not care if others felt differently. YOU GO BOY!
I am not sure how long he was sitting there, waiting for me. After my schooling on confidence and what others have to say about me, he got up and walked out like nothing happened. If he only knew.
My father has always had a theory that when you reach the age of 30, you finally figure out what life is all about. He describes it as an awakening of sorts. I imagined myself laying in bed on the morning of my 30th birthday watching the fog of my former self hover over me like an out of body experience. Once the fog dissipates, I am left feeling refreshed and clear-headed, ready to tackle what had once eluded me.
Although Dad may have been a little off on the exact age, he was right about the event itself. My “awakening” didn’t happen overnight, as I once expected though. It seems that I like to take my time with these things, so my growth is a work in progress that has taken me a few years.
In 2005, I was 29 years old and gave birth to my first child. As you might imagine, the next year I was 30. In 2006 I gave birth to my second child. As if giving birth twice in 17 months wasn’t enough, I decided to throw in some more excitement with a move from Florida to Missouri in 2006.
The second born was in a hurry to introduce himself so he decided to arrive a few weeks early. Some four or five weeks early to be exact. The Babe came home with us on schedule but needed to spend a few days in the hospital for a double hernia at 7 weeks of age. At nine weeks of age he was diagnosed with RSV. It seems big brother brought home a cold from daycare that the little man just could not kick. During the ice storm of 2007 we found ourselves without power as we cared for our infant son on an oxygen saturation monitor. As the second born was turning a year old, I then found myself selling a business that once defined who I was.
More change was in order as 2008 began. I was no longer identified by the business I had owned and operated for nearly ten years. I had two boys under the age of three and was struggling with some baby blues that I just couldn’t kick after the second born arrived. I guess something about having a 17 month old, giving birth to a baby in the winter that was in and out of the hospital, moving back to a place where I had no family and selling a business had taken its toll on me.
I’m 32 by this time and I’m starting to wonder if I will ever realize my father’s prediction. What the hell is going on here? Am I destined to continue on the current path? I soon realized it was all part of the process…
So I am a little late on the new year resolutions but better late than never I suppose.I started working out with some family and friends last week and decided to throw in another test of my self control.As if getting up at 5:30 in the morning isn’t enough to make me cranky, I thought cutting out caffeine would add some “excitement”. Imagine if you will, being shocked out of bed by the alarm at o’ dark thirty.What is the first thing you want?Coffee.Of course on the way to the garage I pass my beloved Keurig as it looks at me longingly. Have you ever broken up with someone without warning only to be punished because you have to see them everyday and lack the balls to confront them? That is me and my Keurig. I dislike confrontation so I keep walking with my head down in shame.
First let’s get the “why” out of the way: I drink way too much caffeine.Ask anyone that sees me on a daily basis.My breakfast is a red bull and I am rarely without a cup of my favorite coffee in hand. Coffee is the only bean that I let cross my lips. It cannot be good to constantly have a mood altering stimulant in me at all times;there is a reason hubs calls me a hummingbird on crack.
Now for the “how”: Not sure what I expected but it wasn’t this.I have not had one headache but oh my god I swear if I sit for more than 10 seconds I will fall asleep and need a cattle prod to wake me.The first few days were easier than the last couple of decades.Saturday we had two birthday parties to attend; one fortunately served beer so I had a moment of peace. The other had lots of sugar so I was able to get my fix by consuming my weight in cake and punch.Yesterday was no fun for anyone at our house.; cranky mommy arrived.I did not realize there were so many places to get coffee in this town.Each one of them taunting me more with their drive through signs and aromas that could be smelled for miles.As I entered the gym today I even noticed they had red bull in the drink fridge!What the hell!I am not good with temptation but kept walking.After all, at this point I am too stubborn to give in.
I am not sure how long I will last.I give myself another hour or so before I head to meet a client and pass a coffee shop.It is true; all the stuff that is bad for us is the stuff we want the most.What is your vice?
I turned off the water, grabbed a towel and opened the shower curtain. I was startled by the oldest boy who was quietly sitting on the toilet, and he got a kick out of my surprised squeal. Apparently he had been sitting there a while and I did not realize it. This is just one of the benefits of being Mom; you are never alone. While stepping out of the shower I teased the boy that he scared me and I didn’t know he was there. Why can’t they be this quiet when I want them to be?
So I am a little late on the new year resolutions but better late than never I suppose.
