I was told recently by a family member in my home state of North Carolina that she was going to revoke my “Southern Belle” membership card.It seems, according to a family member that will remain nameless for their own safety, that the North has in a sense, tainted me.
Over the last fifteen or more years, I have moved back and forth between my Southern home and the Northland that somehow sucks me back like a pool vacuum trying to get the smallest piece of soot from the bottom of the pool…it is relentless.Like that last piece of pool gunk; I have finally given in to the pull that I cannot resist; my fate is inevitable.Although my changing ways were vividly apparent to my family; I denied the accusations that I was somehow being “influenced” by “those damn Yankees”.
The irony of the situation is that to my friends in New England, I currently live in Hillbilly Country.I try to remind them that just because we like our “throwed rolls” and our okra fried, it does not mean we are backward in any way.My friends in the first thirteen find it funny that I have to explain the difference between tin and ten to my children; not the actual definitions of the terms mind you but the way the words are pronounced.
Looking back, I suppose it started after attending school in Missouri. I moved back to North Carolina where I announced in mixed company that I did not care for sweet tea.You could have heard a pin drop.That’s right folks; a pin, not a pen.The family blamed it on the six months I spent in Connecticut.I attributed it to the fact that I like my syrup on pancakes, not in a glass.
The hardest thing for my family to swallow is that I refuse to eat anything that I have affectionately named “geriatric food”.You know what I am talking about; meatloaf, gravy, and beans.These foods require absolutely no dental tools that should be used for consuming sustenance.I just have a problem eating food that I could drink through a straw.As you can imagine; the fact that I “suddenly” will not eat brown gravy was like personally going to the cemetery and rolling over every ancestor I have.
Fortunately, I was given a very short probation period. The committee gathered around the kitchen table while playing Pinochle, and after a heated debate on the merits of my home made pie crust decided I had not shamed the family enough to take my card just yet.I was given a strict diet of pecan pie, Sundrop Soda, and NC State.I think it is fair to say the punishment fits the crime.Now where did I put my Wolfpack sweatshirt?
So I am a little late on the new year resolutions but better late than never I suppose.I started working out with some family and friends last week and decided to throw in another test of my self control.As if getting up at 5:30 in the morning isn’t enough to make me cranky, I thought cutting out caffeine would add some “excitement”. Imagine if you will, being shocked out of bed by the alarm at o’ dark thirty.What is the first thing you want?Coffee.Of course on the way to the garage I pass my beloved Keurig as it looks at me longingly. Have you ever broken up with someone without warning only to be punished because you have to see them everyday and lack the balls to confront them? That is me and my Keurig. I dislike confrontation so I keep walking with my head down in shame.
First let’s get the “why” out of the way: I drink way too much caffeine.Ask anyone that sees me on a daily basis.My breakfast is a red bull and I am rarely without a cup of my favorite coffee in hand. Coffee is the only bean that I let cross my lips. It cannot be good to constantly have a mood altering stimulant in me at all times;there is a reason hubs calls me a hummingbird on crack.
Now for the “how”: Not sure what I expected but it wasn’t this.I have not had one headache but oh my god I swear if I sit for more than 10 seconds I will fall asleep and need a cattle prod to wake me.The first few days were easier than the last couple of decades.Saturday we had two birthday parties to attend; one fortunately served beer so I had a moment of peace. The other had lots of sugar so I was able to get my fix by consuming my weight in cake and punch.Yesterday was no fun for anyone at our house.; cranky mommy arrived.I did not realize there were so many places to get coffee in this town.Each one of them taunting me more with their drive through signs and aromas that could be smelled for miles.As I entered the gym today I even noticed they had red bull in the drink fridge!What the hell!I am not good with temptation but kept walking.After all, at this point I am too stubborn to give in.
I am not sure how long I will last.I give myself another hour or so before I head to meet a client and pass a coffee shop.It is true; all the stuff that is bad for us is the stuff we want the most.What is your vice?
*In honor of my vacation I am doing as little as possible in an effort to maintain my strength for drinking and laying on the beach. Hate me if you must.*
You wouldn’t know they were not related by blood. Step brothers for nearly 20 years now; these two are often accused of sharing the same brain. This picture was taken during one of our many family dinners. The difference with this one was that we had the whole family, kids and all, out in public. Who makes the scene? That’s right; the guy wearing the shirt that says “I’m Part Of The Problem” and his sidekick. They say friends are the family you choose and we are lucky to have our favorite fireman as both. I am lucky to be on vacation with the fireman’s wife.
I was told recently by a family member in my home state of North Carolina that she was going to revoke my “Southern Belle” membership card. It seems, according to a family member that will remain nameless for their own safety, that the North has in a sense, tainted me. 
So I am a little late on the new year resolutions but better late than never I suppose.
*In honor of my vacation I am doing as little as possible in an effort to maintain my strength for drinking and laying on the beach. Hate me if you must.*
